


Dragon Age Daydreams (Pic-Lits)

by Nova_mm



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Multi, NSFW Art
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-03
Updated: 2018-04-17
Packaged: 2018-12-23 09:32:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 7,255
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11987046
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nova_mm/pseuds/Nova_mm
Summary: These happened  by accident, one day I was brave enough to write my daydreams that I have when I draw.  And I called them Pic-Lits cause it’s punny and cute, and I’m weird.  They are quite short and each has a drawing attached.  Sometimes the drawing is related to the story sometimes it's not.  (Sometimes its related but in a way I can't tell you yet)So I hope that they make you smile and bring you a little joy.





	1. Pic-Lit 1 - Varric

Varric was the first to discover Kiaya’s need to draw.  Shortly after they had begun to help in the Hinterlands he found her away from camp, curled in to a ball shaking.  She wasn’t crying but she wasn’t breathing right either.  He asked what she needed, and she begged him for paper, any paper.  Then he watched as she lost herself in the lines, her breathing slowed and she calmed down.  After that he always made sure he had extra paper in his pack.


	2. Pic-Lit 2

** **

 

****

The night after recruiting the Chargers Cassandra noticed that the Herald had disappeared from the evenings festivities.  The open casks of rum had certainly not being wasted.  Leaving camp, Cass walked down hill toward the shore.  It was dark and raining hard, and the wind was blowing the sea spray everywhere.  She hated being sticky with it.  But Kiaya loved it.  

She found her, huddled under a husk that once been a boat, soaked to the bone and shivering so hard her teeth rattled.  Her sketch book was clutched to her chest, having given up trying to combat the damp.  Kiaya sat, blank faced, staring out to sea, rocking back and forth.  She looked so small and scared, for the first time Cassandra saw her, not as the Herald, but as the over whelmed, scared women who has had the whole world dropped on her shoulders.  At that moment she became Kiaya.

Cass built a fire in the shelter of the haul (with great difficulty and a lot of huffing).  She sat down next to Kiaya and wrapped her arms around her.

A few weeks later Cass returned to her bed roll one night and found a drawing of her tucked inside.


	3. Pic-Lit 3 - Bull

 

****

 “Andraste’s Flaming Knickers!”

Bull cocked an eyebrow when they bushes started swearing.  “You ok, Boss?”

The bushes sighed and rustled a little bit.  “Yes, Bull.  I am ok.  My sketch really isn’t cooperating and the daisies won’t stop moving.”

“And why are you pretending to be a bush?”

“I’m hiding from...”

“Mr. Bull, have you seen the Herald?”  Bull turned to see a junior officer rushing down the path.  “I need to talk to her about the wolf problem and what we are going to do about it.”  The bushes started cursing quietly again.

“The Herald’s plan is to head out tomorrow morning and locate the wolf den.  It’s too late in the day now, by the time we get there it would be too dark and that would give the wolves the advantage.  For now, the Herald has had everyone stand down for some rest and to relax, including herself.  So why don’t you head back to camp and follow orders.”

“But...” The officer was being really keen and it was annoying.

“Boy, go back to camp now and leave Kiaya ALONE.”  The officer turned tail and ran as The Iron Bull’s chuckle chased him down the path.  Bull turned to see the bushes shaking so hard that leaves were falling to the ground.  “Boss? You okay?” Bull said again.  A few gasping and shaking moments later, Kiaya crawled out of the brush with leaves and twigs in her hair.

 There were tears of laughter streaking down her face. “You... you...”  Kiaya couldn’t stop laughing.  “Oh, Bull, thank you, that kid is a huge pain in the ass.  I just didn’t have any more patience with him and Josie would scold me if I killed him.”

“Anytime, Boss.  Why don’t you come back to camp with me and have a drink, and something to eat?  I will keep twinkle toes away from you.  Maybe you can finish your daisies there?”

“Alright, Bull, I really don’t feel like crawling back in anyway.”  Kiaya started to extract the bits of bracken stuck in her hair.  “It really does get everywhere.”  Kiaya dug into the front of her shirt trying to reach a twig that was sticking her breast.  When she realized she was pawing at her own front, her face turned as red as her hair.  “Bull, I...”

“Boss, don’t concern yourself.  Everyone has to adjust their bits in the field, the trick is to not care who sees.  But don’t put it off, the chaffing can get bad.”  A few moments passed as the two continued back to camp.

“Bull?”

“Yeah, Boss?”

“Was this weird?”

“This was you, Boss.”  



	4. Pic-Lit 4 - Cullen

 

It was late.

Maker, really late.

Probably too late, but he was only a few paces from her door, and there was no turning back now. Cullen could see the glow of a lamp around the door so he figured he would knock anyway. Kia... the Herald, was leaving for Redcliffe in the morning. He knew that she would need these reports before they set out.

Cullen knocked gently on the door and, listening, he heard talking, not words exactly but talking. Cullen pushed open the door slowly and slipped inside. His eyes were immediately drawn to the redhead curled up on the bed. The Herald had apparently fallen asleep while reviewing paperwork, a lot of which had fallen to the floor when she had slumped on the pillow. Kiaya had her knees hugged to her chest. She looked so small. Her face was peaceful and she had a small smile, but she still looked tired. Her flaming hair spread around her face highlighting how pale she was and, even in sleep, he could see shadows under her eyes. Cullen blinked and then smiled when Kiaya started mumbling, not words, but the sounds just before words. Kiaya shifted, and rolled over, pushing more paperwork on to the floor. Without thinking he crossed the room and knelt down next to the bed. He bundled up the papers and placed them on the table, a book had flopped over under the bed. As he picked it up he turned it over and froze. Next to the sketch where the words “Every time he smiles my heart stops. Maker I’m in trouble.”


	5. Pic-Lit 5 – Sera & Harding

 

"Hey, Lady Holy Bits, Wicked Grace is balls with only two. Not enough money on the table. Get your butt over here."

Harding grinned. This was going to be fun. It was unusually warm and most of the party had been sent back to the Crossroads. Rebuilding of the hamlet was going well now that the fighting had all but stopped. Harding, Sera, and the Herald had drawn the short straws so they where manning the outpost giving the soldiers a well-deserved break. Sera had brought cards... and alcohol, most of which was gone already.

Kiaya looked up from the paperwork she was trying not to ignore. "Are you sure, Sera? You have never played cards with me before."

Sera snorted. "Played a lot of cards living in that stony thingy?"

Kiaya's eyes glinted; she shoved her papers into her bag and dug out a beautiful bottle of single malt. "You're right, Sera; I didn't play a lot of cards in the Circle." She sat down at the stump that served as a table and opened the bottle. Harding grabbed 3 glasses from the dish pan. Kiaya's eyes danced as she poured 3 almost over flowing glasses. "What are the stakes?"

\---

The sun was barely up when Harding heard the soldiers return. Her head was pounding; how much had she drunk? And she had stopped before she lost her shirt, or her pants. She looked over at Sera’s snoring form. She was naked, sprawled on her bedroll, snoring. When she rolled over Harding couldn’t help but howl with laughter.

Sera leaped to her feet and then fell to the ground clutching her head. “Oi, why are you howling like a banshee? Shut your hole!” Sera started to throw things at Harding and Harding was laughing so hard she could barely stumble out of tent.

Kiaya was sitting at the fire, drinking coffee and looking as if she hadn’t drank a drop, which was impossible and unfair. And she was wearing Sera’s breeches. “Good morning Harding. How’s the head? Drink this it will make it better.” Kiaya poured some coffee into a cup and handed it to Harding. “I’m going to have to run shortly, but I will meet up with you and Sera back at the Crossroads later this evening.” Kiaya picked up her pack and headed to the edge of camp.

At that moment, a piercing shriek cut the quiet. “Shitballs! I’m going to kill you, Lady Bits!”

Kiaya bolted down the hill laughing gleefully as Sera flew out of the tent and after her. Sera’s face, breasts and stomach were dyed bright blue and written in bright green were the words; _“I didn’t always live in the tower.”_


	6. Pic-Lit 6 – Blackwall

 

Blackwall watched the Herald help everyone that she came across.  This young woman, with so many scars and secrets from her past, only thought of others first.  She was the last to sleep and the last to eat.  She never pushed anyone more then she pushed herself.  And Blackwall could see how Kiaya believed that it was never enough.

One afternoon, Blackwall found Kiaya sitting and watching the new troops kicking a ball that the Herald had brought back from Val Royeaux. 

“This is a good thing you have done.  It fosters teamwork and understanding.”

“That was the idea.”  Kiaya’s eyes sparkled as she chuckled.  “My grandfather always would make his crew play so many games together before he would ever take them out on the boat.”  Blackwall raised his eyebrows as he sat on the log Kiaya was leaning on.  She had never spoken of her past with him.  Or anyone really, most of what was known about the proclaimed Herald of Andraste was rumor and guessing.  Blackwall looked over her shoulder down at the paper.  “Why draw a porthole?  We are a long way from the sea?”

Kiaya gazed down at the drawing laying in her, lazily dragging her charcoal along the edge.  When she spoke her voice was low and clouded with memory. “There was a porthole with a mirror in the centre on Grandfather’s boat.  He use to tell me stories about the worlds that existing on the other side of the porthole.  He told me never to open it, that the magic would get out...  I would spend hours staring in the reflection in the mirror, imagining all the adventures the other me would have if she could only get through.”  Kiaya’s gaze shifted to her left hand just as the hole in the sky pulsed.  Green lightening shot up her arm, encircling her wrist, crackling with power.  Kiaya winched balling her hand into a fist and clutching it to her chest.  She didn’t make a sound but all the colour had gone from her face and her lips where thin with pain.  Blackwall found himself reaching out and placing his hand on her shoulder.  He rubbed gentle circles until the surge faded and slowly Kiaya relaxed.

After a moment Blackwall asked, “Did you ever open the porthole?”

Kiaya’s eyes filled with sadness, “Yes, I did”

The silence stretched out, Blackwall didn’t know what to say or do, the sadness was so deep in her green eyes.

“The magic was gone.”  



	7. Pic-Lit 7 – Leliana

 

Leliana was going over scout placements in the War Room with her second.  There was so much ground to cover now and barely enough bodies to cover it all.  The Herald certainly was efficient at covering ground, and recruiting if it comes to that, but the demand was growing.

Leliana was frustrated.  Kiaya had been very reluctant about sharing personal information.  There was no solid background for Kiaya Trevelyan.  The Trevelyan family had flatly denied her existence when she was viewed as responsible for the Breach but now that it looked like they would be closing the Breach, the Trevelyan’s had changed their tune.  Josie was thrilled; there would be so much money.  She was going to talk to The Herald when she returned from Crestwood.

Which was apparently now as the Herald strode into the room.  Kiaya’s eyes changed colour with her mood. Leliana loved this; it made her so easy to read.  When she was happy or content they where green, when she excited they where blue, and when she was sad they where grey.  Today, Kiaya had a storm crackling in her eyes.  There was fire and lightening, her face was pale, freckles standing out in stark relieve against her skin.  She was shaking with fury.

Leliana dismissed the scouts in the room.  Kiaya didn’t more or speak until the door had shut behind the last.  Leliana never took her eyes off the furious woman that stood before her.

“Someone has been through my belongings.  They went through my sketches.  I...” Kiaya’s eyes cracked and her anger could be felt in the room. Leliana almost expected to see storm clouds forming in the rafters.

“They are all I have left of me.  Every other part of me has been swallowed up by the Herald of Andraste.”  Kiaya almost spat the words, and then she whirled and walked across the room to stare blankly at the wall.  “This isn’t the first time I have had everything I knew was ripped from me.  It’s not the first time I have been bitter and scared, and so fucking angry.  I lashed out and I did... But I will not lose myself again. I will not go down that road again.”  Kiaya said this like a promise, and a curse.

The fire drained out of her; her shoulders dropped and she bowed her head and turned around.   “Those drawings are how I remember why I keep fighting.  They help me to see the good and the beauty in everything around me.”

Kiaya took a deep breath and met Leliana’s eyes.  Kiaya’s eyes held understanding, grief and empathy. “We all lost so much at the Temple.  My companions... my friends, who traveled there with me, they are gone.” Her eyes dropped only for a moment before she continued.  “And I may have killed them.”  She whispered.

Kiaya raised her head and there was determination warring with the exhaustion there.  “But it’s up to me to stop this, no one else can.  To do this I need people I can trust and who trust me.  Neither of us trusts the world that we find ourselves in, everything seems...” Kiaya waves her hands around, unable to find the words.

She stepped forward and placed a drawing on the stack of reports.  “For you, to help you remember the beauty.”

Leliana remained at the table as the candles burned down, her eyes never leaving the nug on the page.


	8. Pic-Lit 8 (Part 1 & 2) – Cullen

**  
** "What do you mean, 'She's gone'?"  The faces around the room echoed the shock in Cassandra's tone, except for Bull and Solas, Cullen noted.  Everyone else's couldn't hide their surprise. Cullen also wondered why Dorian was looking so smug.

"My agent..." Leliana only got two words out before the room erupted with comments and opinions. 

"Agent?"

"You were watching her?"

"Who else are you watching?"

"Ha!  Missy Magicpants got past Lady N’s birdies!  Good girl!"

Cullen's hand hit the table in front of him with enough force to knock every piece on the map over and silence the room. Leliana smiled at him and something flashed across her face that Cullen couldn't place, concern maybe?

"There was a letter, here on the table," Leliana held up a piece of parchment.  "Basically she says she will be back," there was a collective exhale of held breathe, "to close the Breach when the mages have arrived from Redcliffe and have had a week of training with Solas, Dorian & Madame de Fer."

"Well I'm not surprised!" Dorian waved his hands to command the attention of the room.  "We barely made it back from the nightmare that was the future.   She now feels more responsible for the future of the world and she alone carries the responsibility."  Dorian straightened his back and continued, "That future existing because she disappeared and didn’t remove the mages from Tevinter control.  She is scared out of her mind.  What we saw there, what was real for us, is going to be very hard to forget."

The room exploded with everyone talking at once, Cullen closed his eyes and thought back to the last time he had seen Kiaya.  Two days ago, she and her companions had returned from Redcliffe.  Their reports had arrived just that morning and Cullen had not had time to calm his anger over the freedom granted to the mages.  The withdrawal had been growing for days at that point and the nightmares worse.  He shook his head, no excuses.  The back of his eyelids chose that moment to present him with Kiaya's face as she walked through the Chantry doors.  She had looked exhausted, like she hadn't slept in days.  There were pain lines around her eyes and she was favouring her shoulder again.  But when she looked up and her eyes met his... Cullen felt the blush rise to his face as he remembered how happy she had looked; all her pain and exhaustion had vanished like the sun coming out from the clouds.  She lit up the room.  And he had yelled at her.  Cullen winced when he thought of it, the pain at the base of his head throbbing.  It had been like dumping water on a fire.  Kiaya had looked crushed.  And then the Mask had snapped back on and she had returned with her own anger and yelled back.  Then she stormed out, leaving Dorian to fill in the details left out of the report.  No wonder she had refused to see anyone, if she was planning on leaving.

“So what are our options?” Cass’s brash tone cut through the chatter. “Commander, do you think you could track her?”

Cullen barely managed to hide the winch at the question.  “Possibly, but we would need a clearer starting point.  Kia-, Lady Trevelyan” Cullen swallowed his embarrassment at his slip “has been all over Haven.  We should leave as soon as possible if we are to find her before dark.” Cullen stopped talking and turned bright red.  Maker’s Breathe had he just said all that out loud?!? “What I mean is, no one should be travelling far alone.  We still have not cleared all of the hills and it is too much of a risk, and it is too much of a risk, for anyone.”  Cullen swallowed. 

“Leave the Boss be”  Bull had been silent up to this point, standing in shadow, his eye flicking from face to face reading everything.  “She’s not one to run from things she starts, and she can certainly take care of herself.  She’s use to it.  When she says she will be back she will be back.”  With that Bull left the room.

“Missy will come back.” Sera leapt down from the edge of the table, “she’s got tons of reasons to want to be here, and ‘sides I still owe her.”

As everyone was voicing their opinions, Varric had appeared at Cullen’s side.  “Smudges can take care of herself out there Curly.  It’s inside her head where she could get into trouble.” And Varric left quietly as he appeared.  For all of his theatrics Varric’s stealth could be surprising when he used it.

After everyone had left, only the advisors and Cassandra remained.  Leliana met Cullen’s eyes and Cullen again got the feeling that there was something hovering right out of reach on Leliana’s face, like she was trying to push it back down out of sight.  “I believe that we should trust our Herald.”  Leliana’s eyes focused on the far wall as she continued.  “She is carrying more than the rest of us, no matter how hard we try to lighten the burdens.  We trust her that she will be back as she trusts us to have everything ready to close the Breach.” Leliana looked at the markers strewn across the table, her lips curving up like a cats.  “We will leave you to restore order here Commander.”

Cullen sighed as Leliana left the room, quietly talking to Josie and heading for her office.  Cullen’s mind was racing, where could she have gone?  Was it his fault? Driving her away from her friends those who could protect her?  “Cullen,” Cullen just about jumped out of his skin, knocking over the markers he had just set up.  “Maker, Cass, I thought you had left.” Cullen gulped air as he tried to slow his racing heart.  Cass rolled her eyes.

“It’s not your fault, well not _all_ your fault...” Cullen groaned “No listen to me.”  Cass paused, setting up some makers.  She had the look of someone who was weighing her words carefully.  “She watches you die **,** my friend.  That is what she dreams about every night since Redcliffe.”  Cass shook her head, grunting with frustration.  “Cullen **,** she cares for you.  More then I think, she knows.” Cullen couldn’t stop the rush of red in his face.

“Maker, you think so?” Cullen rubbed the back of his neck not meeting Cassandra’s eyes.

“That’s not... I mean,” Cassandra snorted and rolled her eyes.  “You two are so dense!  Both of you deserve the happiness you both spend so much time denying.  Kiaya doesn’t trust her own feelings and she doesn’t know where this is going to go for her so she struggles to open herself up.”  Cass had started pacing, her accent getting thicker as she continued.  It seemed like she wasn’t able to stop talking.  “She draws you constantly, or parts of you at least.  And you know that Sera refuses to share a tent with her anymore because Kiaya talks so much in her sleep.”  Cass paused here, not wanting to betray her new friend while helping an old one. “She says your name more than any other.”  Cassandra thinned her lips like she was stopping from the words tumbling out.  Cullen couldn’t believe what he was hearing, could it be possible?  No, no it couldn’t, but what if...

“Cullen” again Cass’s voice was softer than normal, drawing Cullen’s eyes back to her face.  “She couldn’t safe you in that future.  She couldn’t save any of us.  She isn’t afraid of dying, she is afraid of losing one of us, of losing you.”

Cassandra leaned on the table, her eyes never leaving Cullen’s face.  “You can’t leave it as it is.  You must go after her.  She doesn’t understand why you were so angry with her for making the choice she did.  She doesn’t know that you aren’t taking lyrium anymore.  You never gave her a chance to explain and you need to.”  Cassandra’s face turned into a fierce scowl “And you need to apologise.  You were a horse’s ass” Cass shot him one last glare before she walked out the door.

It took Cullen less than two minutes to make a decision.

 

** Pic-Lit 8 (Part 2) – Cullen **

 

** **

 

He had been walking for what seemed like hours.  He was faintly regretting leaving his horse behind, but Kiaya hadn’t taken her Forder with her and there was no clear path to speak of so a horse would have been a bad idea.

Cullen stopped in the fading light and pulled out the letter Kiaya had left in the war room.  He stared at the paper then checked his position.   _Maker I hope I am reading this right._   It had been a passing conversation a month ago, one of the personal tidbits that she has started to share with him.  Cullen sighed, putting the letter back in his pocket, and started walking up the hill again.  The lyrium in his system had been sparking and buzzing the entire journey but he couldn’t tell how long ago she had passed.  He had come prepared to spend the night but only just.  He had wanted speed when he had finally gotten away from Haven.

Barely minutes had past when Cullen stopped again.  Smoke, wood smoke; the wind shifted and it was gone.  Cullen waited until he could smell it again on the air, and he set out in that direction.  His pace quickened as the terrain got steeper, trees crowding in on both sides.  A hundred paces and he broke through the edge of the trees into the strangest little hideaway he had ever seen. 

At his feet, a small stream slid past on its way to another waterfall below.  Past it, the cliff wall curved around to form a wide-open shelf about ten paces across. There was a small half cave at the end. On the other side trees loomed to the left and right creating a window with the treetops below.  This place would be almost impossible to find unless you stumbled on it.  There was only one way up and that was mostly over grown.

Fire wood had been stacked along the wall and a fire was burning at the back of the curve, the smoke disappearing into the ceiling to leak out invisibly into the hill side.  This place was practically unnoticeable.

Cullen stood looking at the empty campsite, listening to the water and the wind. A sharp intake of breath behind him had instinct kick in as his hand fell to his sword.  As he turned slowly around a shadow rose from the rocks and trees on his left.

“Cullen!?!  You figured it out! You came… FUCK!!!!”

\---

Kiaya had known she was going to run, even before they had returned from Redcliffe.  She always ran.  That was why she had started prepping this place almost as soon as she found it a month ago.  She always felt better knowing she had a place to run to when she felt like she was losing control.  And Redcliffe had been too much.  Running away was how she regained some control.  It was not a good way but it was a way and it kept her sane.  She had never felt as out of control of her own choices as she has since the Fade spit her out.  Here, things were simpler; it gave her time to think, she had to get her head on straight again.  True, the whiskey was probably a bad choice, but it was a choice.

When she had gotten here she had every intention of making camp but after the fire was lit she sat down for a rest and a drink, and well...  She had gotten lost in her drawings again.  At some point the bottle appeared from the pack that Dorian had insisted on packing for her, while he lectured her on not eating or sleeping; in fact she was surprised that he had included the bottle at all.  After that she had become completely unaware of the passage of time.  The first drawing had reached an end, at least until the sun came up again, and she had found herself sketching randomly, which had turned into a pair of eyes.

When Cullen walked into the clearing, Kiaya was far away in daydreams of amber and gold. She didn’t notice him right away, and he hadn’t seen her, sitting on a rock in the shadows of the trees. When Kiaya did notice him, she froze for a moment.

She couldn’t believe it.  He had remembered and he had figured it out.  It had been weeks ago that she had told him about her grandfather, who couldn’t read or write but would leave messages in drawings. They had made a game of it when she was small.  Kiaya still found herself doing it from time to time, it kept her childhood close.  That Cullen had recognized it, and actually come after her.  She swallowed, wishing now she had less to drink, or anything to eat, or both.

“Cullen!?!  You figured it out! You came… FUCK!!!!”

Cullen started at the sight of Kiaya tangled up in her own feet and her pack, sprawled on the ground.  The drawing kit that Varric had given her had been balanced on her pack and was now scattered on the dark ground.

Kiaya suddenly realized that she had sat still so long both of her legs had fallen asleep, she could no longer feel them.  She had almost pitched head first into the stream.  As she crouched on the ground, almost at Cullen’s feet, Kiaya continued to curse and berate herself at her klutziness.  ‘ _Maker, what he must think of me. Why? Why can’t I control my feet when I really need to?’_  As she struggled to right herself and blood made it back to her feet, she could suddenly feel all too much, she hated when her legs feel asleep, it was such a horrible feeling. 

Kiaya could feel the blush rising up her neck and added to the redness that was all ready in her cheeks.  She sat on the ground, thumping feeling back into her thighs, thinking nasty thoughts about herself in general, when she was interrupted by the sound of Cullen, turning a laugh into a cough unconvincingly.

 “Are you OK?”

“Yes, I’m fine.  Apparently up is not a direction I travel well.”  Kiaya’s could stop the grin from growing on her face; she truly must have looked ridiculous.  What an entrance.  For someone who hated being noticed she sure was great at making a display.  Kiaya’s eyes were dancing with suppressed mirth when she glanced up at Cullen, and he couldn’t stop his chuckling anymore.  Kiaya started to smile, then chuckle, then her head shot back and her laugh rang out like a bell. It echoed and leaped from stone to stone, bubbling up like the stream she was almost sitting in. Cullen was entranced, it was the first time he had heard her laugh, really laugh, without a care.

Kiaya’s outburst of mirth ended with a sigh, she glanced down and wiped her cheek.  She felt lighter somehow, lighter then she had in a long time and more like herself.  She still wasn’t ready to face her future, or the possible lack thereof, but she would get there.  She always got there.

With another sigh, Kiaya started to scan the ground for her tools.  It was almost full dark and looking for leads and charcoals in the dark was not going to work.  She found what she could and left the rest until morning.  She corked the bottle, put it in her bag and climbed to her feet. She swayed a bit and she realized her hands were shaking, when had she eaten last?  She swung her pack on to her shoulder and immediately felt it lifted out of her hand.  Her surprise forced her head up as she swung around, unbalanced again, until she collided with Cullen.  His arms circled her waist to steady her; her hands and arm landing against his chest plate, the cold metal a sharp reminder of reality.

He wasn’t wearing his gloves and the touch of his hands on her back was electric.  Cullen’s touch was burning through the light cotton of the shirt she was wearing.  Kia couldn’t feel her knees anymore, feeling like she was floating, heat sizzled up her spine and pooling low in her belly. The air seemed to shimmer and swirl around them, filling Kiaya’s head with the earthy smell of him.  Oakmoss, and leather and him, everything him; she couldn’t take her eyes away from his, his gaze seeming to read every thought, ever secret that she struggled to hide from everyone.  She would gladly drown in those eyes forever.

“When did you eat last?”  Not the question Kiaya was hoping for.

“I’m not entirely sure.”

“What did you bring with you?”

Kiaya blinked and dropped her eyes from his, her breathe fogging Cullen’s breast plate.

“… I don’t know.  Dorian packed for me.  I don’t think he trusted me...” Kiaya’s voice petered out as she lost her courage.

Cullen could smell the soap that Kiaya had brought back from Val Royeaux, the only thing she had spent coin on for herself, Cass had said.  It was unique and perfectly Kiaya, a gentle floral scent with a wild tang underneath.  Her breathe was sweetened with the whisky she had been drinking.  He could feel her shaking and he realized what Cassandra had been worried about was true.  As he stared at the top of her head, memorizing the freckles that were scattered across her forehead, breathing her into his soul, Cullen realized that there was nothing he wouldn’t do for her.

Kiaya sighed against Cullen’s chest and leaned closer into him for a moment, “I am sorry I left before I could apologise for how I acted the last time we spoke,”  Kiaya’s words petered out as Cullen placed his fingers under her chin and raised her face so he could look her in the face again.

“I want to apologize as well, but maybe not tonight,” Cullen stared into the grey-green universe that was in Kiaya’s eyes.  It took a great force of will to step away from her.  “Tonight we are just two soldiers fighting in the same war, sharing a campfire and a drink.”  Cullen uncorked the bottle and took a drink.  He smiled softly at the happiness blooming on her face, her eyes shining like stars as she gazed up at him.

“Now, why don’t you get cleaned up and I will see what we have?”

“Cleaned up?  What do you mean?” Kiaya looked down at her clothes, they were a little dusty but not bad for a day in the woods.

Cullen’s smirk widened at her confusion. 

“Why are you looking so smug?” Kiaya demanded, placing her hands on her hips.  Cullen started to laugh at the proud tilt of her head as his eyes traced the large charcoal smudges running across Kiaya’s forehead, nose and cheeks.

“Varric calls you ‘Smudges’ doesn’t he?”

“I have smudges all over my face don’t I?”

“Yes, you do.”

“Fuck.”

 


	9. Pic-Lit 9  – Kiaya

The first time Kiaya became aware, she could feel her heart beat, and how very cold she was.  She opened her eyes and, for a moment, she wasn’t sure she had.  It was so dark.  Many blinks and heartbeats later, a dim green glow from her hand, which didn’t illuminate much, was the only improvement. 

Kiaya sat up.  She screamed.

\---

The second time Kiaya became aware of herself it was with memories of screams and fire and death.  The faces of her companions the last time she had seen them, fighting at her side to save as many as possible.  The dragon, the stench of its breath as it towered over her, being trapped.  The twisted face scared and perverted by the red lyrium that was fused to his bones.  The orb, glowing and pulsing with new levels of pain that Kiaya had never dreamed of.  The arrow, the glimmer of hope to save her friends even as her own death was certain. 

And lastly, a pair of amber eyes, and a voice whispering _come back to me_.

Kiaya was careful this time when she opened her eyes.  It was lighter; the snow choking the hole in the timbers covering the shaft that had saved her was glowing blue, creating a deep twilight.  She slowly assessed herself, remembering to move slowly.  She had definitely hit the boards of the mine shaft with her right side.  Her right arm was broken, possible twice, and a few ribs, if the stabbing pain every time she breathed were anything to go by.  Kiaya used her left arm to lever herself up slowly, hissing through the pain. She propped herself on a timber that had barely missed killing her, and looked at her legs.  Her left foot was trapped.  A rock had stopped the timber from crushing her leg but it was wedged tight between the two.  Her right leg was not broken, maybe, but her knee was very dislocated.  Her left side seemed ok, except for being stuck, so right side first.  She had her last healing potion, the one she never drank so she would always have one, Kiaya reached awkwardly with her left hand and tugged the pouch from her belt; the tinkle of glass the only sound filling the air.  Fuck.  Well in for a penny, Kiaya began picking the glass out of the pouch.

Sometime later, she had finished removing the glass and sucked as much liquid out of the pouch as she could.  Now she could breathe a bit easier, which was important.  There were canvas and rope pieces around, people couldn’t resist throwing junk down a hole, weird thing to be grateful for.

 _So tired, sleeping would be bad._   Kiaya managed to dig out the snow under her foot and free her left leg.

As the light faded from the hole above, Kiaya began limping along the only way available, held together by will and canvas.  She was cold and damp, this bloody cave was so damp and frozen at the same time, it seeped into her bones and made her feel weak.

“Ok, this has to be the worst of it; it’s going to be easier from here on.  I can do this.”

Her echo agreed with her.  And silence returned broken by the shuffle of her feet.

\---

The third time Kiaya woke up, she rolled over and vomited, or tried to; nothing came up but bile and blood.  She lay there, in the dark shaking, until slowly she raised her left hand to her face.

“WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?”

“I mean, not that I’m not happy with this outcome.  I walked into a room of shit shades and shit demons and I’m alive, I think.”

The silence agreed.

“Fuck, I’m still alive.  Ok, so now I can kill things with my glowing fucking hand, but it hurts like nothing else and causes vomiting.  Good fucking tip.  How in all the fucking world is that suppose to HELP ME?” Kiaya stopped shouting and started to crawl to her feet.

 “Please, someone has to hear me before I die.”

\---

“You have to be fucking kidding me.”

Kiaya stood at the mouth of the cave, free of this underground hell, to be faced by biting winds and blowing snow, whiting out everything beyond a hundred paces.  She could see evidence of the Haven survivors but she was no tracker, and her navigation skills were better on water; all these damn hills get in the way.  She knew her directions by the sky but little else.  If she stayed, it would be night in a couple of hours.

“I don’t have a choice do I?  If I sleep I won’t wake up.  How is this fair?!?”

The wind howled at her.  Kiaya tugged the canvas and rope supporting her right arm tighter and buttoned her duster up to her neck trapping it against her chest, “We have already proven you are useless at the moment.”

 She had no gloves, no cloak, nothing but her light fighting gear she had been in when Haven was attacked.  She tucked her right hand under her arm. “Please don’t let me lose the fingers, if I couldn’t draw...”

Kiaya sighed and stepped out into the snow.

\---

Everything was white.  Everything was cold.  Everything was pain.

_Come back to me._

Every gasp of breath was icy daggers in her lungs, her ribs screaming in time with her steps.

Her progress was uneven; her right leg was almost a dead weight she was dragging through the snow, barely supporting her weight as she forced her way forward.

She couldn’t feel her arms; she couldn’t look at the blue fingers on her left hand; her stomach would roll if it hadn’t turned to a frozen ball of ice.

She had stopped talking long ago, needing the breath to keep moving.  Her brain had faded to flashes of memory of her friends.  Sounds, tastes, colours, happiness, friendship, fun, love.  Heartbeats past, happiness faded, pain grew. The demons in her mind howled with glee as slowly her body broke down.  The only thing keeping her going was a will to see him again.  It was a need, something she couldn’t deny, drawing her forward.

Five steps.

_Come back to me._

Four steps.

_Come back to._

Three steps.

_Come back._

Two steps.

_Come._

“There! It’s her!”

“Thank the Maker”

Darkness.

\---

The fourth time Kiaya woke up it was with waves of panic.  She was warm but she couldn’t move; she was dead.

“Shhh, Kia, you are alright.  You are safe.”  The voice of warm honey from her dreams washed over her and slowly the fogged cleared; calming her racing heart.

“Cullen, are you real?  Am I alive?” Her voice trembled, as weak as a child; her grey eyes showing nothing but fear.

“Yes, you are alive. And I am real.  I am very happy to see you awake.”

“Why can’t I move?”

“When the healers started to warm you, you started to thrash.” Cullen took a steadying breath, “Making your injuries, which were extensive, worse.” Cullen’s hands, which had been wrapped around Kiaya’s, something she wasn’t aware of but missed the moment she realized they were gone, made short work of removing the restraints.  He returned to his seat, leaning over to brush hair from Kia’s eyes.  “You should sleep more; you have been though a lot and you still have some healing to do. I should go...” He sifted in his seat and looked at the tent flap.

“NO!” Kiaya tried to sit up.

Cullen, once he recovered from the surprise, pushed her back down to the cot. “Please, don’t leave.  I can’t... I don’t...”  Kiaya was rambling; barely coherent; the thought of being alone choked her breath as she clutched at Cullen’s knee.

“Please, I’m scared to be alone.  I’m scared to go to sleep.  I’m scared I won’t wake up.”  Kiaya’s eyes filled with tears as her voice dropped off to a whisper.

Cullen smoothed her hair back from her face with one hand while tracing circles on her knuckles with his other, until her breathing returned to normal and her eyelids began to drop.  “Sleep, Kia, I will stay with you.”

Cullen watched as her face relaxed and her breathing fell into the natural rhythm of deep sleep.

“You came back to me.  I will always stay.”


	10. Pic-Lit 9 - Welcome Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Art & story are NSFW

Skyhold was dark in those hours when too late, become too early. The Inquisitor and her party had only just arrived back and her exhausted feet had carried her straight to her Commander’s office. She removed her armour and stowed it with her gear in the corner of his office before heading up. She was skilled now at navigating the ladder silently and upon seeing Cullen sleeping soundly she was determined not to wake him up. 

She careful finished undressing, barely making a sound. So the only think that stopped her sound of shock when she turned around and he was standing behind her, naked in the moonlight, was the press if his lips against hers. His hands slid across her bare back, pulling her to his chest, she rose up on her toes to reach his lips more easily, wrapping her arms around his neck, her tiredness quickly being replaced by a burning need.

His hand slid silkily down to grip her ass and crushes her against him, her head falling back with a gasp followed by a breathy moan. He nuzzled into her neck, sending shivers down her body at the feeling of his hot breath in her ear as he began to move them in the direction of the bed.

“Welcome Home.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you would like to reach out and chat about DA or check out my artwork and my general love for all things Dragon Age you can find me here on [Tumblr](https://novamm66.tumblr.com/)


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